Dear Annabelle,
Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, Grandma. You were, and always will be, my favorite lady. Out of all the people in the world, I am completely honored that God picked you to be my grandmother and to help raise me. Our connection was definitely a work of grace, and that is evident from day one. You were always fond of little girls, and you only wanted a granddaughter because that was what you were used to; however, when you saw me all of that changed. It was an instant match, and you made that known by spoiling me from the start with gifts, words of advice, and love. Our twenty-two years together were filled with memories that will last a lifetime, and your impact on my life is showcased everyday through the person I have become.
It's funny to think about the simple things I remember from the thousands of memories that I have of you. Just the other day, I was thinking about all the times we spent together on Lake Michigan. I remember one time at Michillinda Beach Lodge, I left my friends and walked you back to your room because it was dark out and I wanted to make sure that you got back safely. About five minutes after I returned, one of the employees came looking for me as she said, "Austin Searfoss, your grandma wants to make sure you made it back all right." It had only been minutes since I had walked all the way back from your room, but I ran with that girl all the way back to your place and we waved to you from the balcony to ensure you that I was safe and sound. It's funny to think about now, but it really shows what our grandmother-grandson relationship was made of. We truly cared for one another and would go out of our way to show it.
Another memory that stands out in my mind was the first time that I spent the night at your house. I wasn't even two years old yet, and Mom thought I was going to cry and want to come home as soon as she left; however, I stayed the whole time with a smile on my face. The farm that you and Grandpa lived on during my early childhood years was truly paradise. It's ironic that experts say you can't remember memories from your earliest years of life, and I already have terrible memory as it is, but I can remember so much from my days spent on the farm with you. That first night that I spent there, I can remember doing crafts with you; we wrote a picture book about my time spent with Grandpa and you. I can also remember watching The Lawrence Welk Show that night (I have way too many memories of this! Audra and I would dance the night away for you and Grandpa, and I bet we were more entertaining than the show at times). You and Grandpa had chocolate cake after dinner, we watched Lawrence Welk, and then we nestled in for a long night's sleep. There's something about the first stay that made me feel safe. I knew that you and Grandpa really loved me, so even though I was away from home, I was truly at home with people I loved.
I was blessed having you and Grandpa live so close to us. So many children had to deal with babysitters and daycare centers, but I got to spend my baby and toddlers years with two amazing caregivers. Audra and I spent so much time with you that I credit you and Grandpa for teaching us so much about life. Don't get me wrong, Mom and Dad taught us a lot, but you added so much more into the mix. You taught us how to read, how to count, how to be honest, how to share, how to believe in ourselves, how to dream big dreams, and how to reach for our goals through hard work and determination. I will never forget the brand new Dr. Seuss books that you brought us almost weekly and the crafts that you would do with us. I can remember one time I read a book about God with you, and I wanted to know what He looked like. You tried telling me that no one has an accurate description of what God looks like until they finally get to meet Him, but I insisted that I wanted to know, so you did your best to sculpt His likeness out of green Play Dough. The time that you spent with me reading and helping create extension activities really influenced me to be a reader later in life, and it definitely had an impact on my future career as a teacher and prospective reading specialist.
Throughout my childhood, I knew that I could always count on you to be there for me. You and Grandpa were at every dance recital, sporting event, band concert, choir performance, and school assembly. I know when I tap danced on the big stage, I always looked for you in the audience because I knew that you would have the biggest smile on your face showing just how proud you were of me. That caring and proud demeanor of yours helped me through a lot in life, and, in fact, it still does. I knew that you would always be proud of me and will always be proud of me in all that I do.
Thank you, Grandma, for always being there. Like I said, you and Grandpa taught me so much during my childhood. Among the huge lists of ideals, I believe that love stands at the top. Most of all, you and Grandpa taught me what it means to love. You were married for over fifty years when Grandpa passed away in 2004, and during all that I never saw you fight once. What I saw when you and Grandpa were together was the purest form of true love. You could see it in your eyes and hear it in your voices. Near the end, when Grandpa was bed ridden, you waited on him hand and foot. You made sure you could do everything possible to make sure he was happy. I spent a lot of time with Grandpa during his last couple of years as you, Mom, and Audra would go shopping or have hair appointments, and the way he talked about you is how I hope to talk about my wife one day. His eyes lit up and you couldn't wipe the smirk off his face when ever he uttered the word, "Anne." You and Grandpa had a love that makes storybooks jealous, a love that gives me hope for the future.
It doesn't seem like almost a year has gone by since you passed away, Grandma. It was so hard towards the end due to the fact that minds can come and go. At times you were yourself and could remember the most minuscule details about your childhood, and at other times you couldn't remember where you were or who we were. I'm so glad that we stuck by your side through those hard times though. You always wanted to remain in your house with your cats and belongings; you didn't want to go to a nursing home, and we made sure that wish was granted. You always said that you wanted to see me graduate and get married, and I'm glad that you were able to see the former (and I know that you will be watching over me when the latter comes as well). I was sad that you weren't able to make the trip for my graduation ceremony, but when I visited you afterwards and told you about the completion of my schooling, your face lit up ecstatically just as it did during all the times you were proud of me during my childhood. I'm not sure if you knew who I was or could understand the message I was telling you, but something tells me that everything clicked at that moment. You were proud of me just as you always had been and always will be.
I was sad that I wasn't able to make the trip up to Battle Creek to tell you goodbye, but I knew that by the time I got there it would be too late since I lived so far away in Findlay and everything happened so fast. I can rest assured though, that everything will be okay due to my last meeting with you. Towards the end, I started memorizing all the words that you said to me. We all knew that it was going to be a matter of time before you left us, and I wanted to make sure that I could keep those words in my heart along with all the other fond memories that I have you. I was on my way back to Findlay during the last time I saw you. I stopped by your house to kiss you goodbye like I always did. You were in bed already, so I quietly walked into your bedroom and stooped down to your level. I told you that I was heading back to school. I kissed you, said goodbye, and told you that I loved you, and I can remember your response like it was yesterday. You lifted your head up and looked right at me. I could tell that in this moment you knew who I was; I could just see it in your eyes. You said, "Goodbye; I love you," and that is all I needed to hear.
The night of your passing, I was driving in Findlay and the sky lit up a magnificent purple and fiery orange that I had never witnessed before. I wish I would have taken a picture. I know that was you, Grandma. Thank you for the beautiful sight, and thank you for letting me know that you were all right. You were and always will be my number one lady. As I continue to have successes (and even struggles) in life, I know that you will be with me every step of the way. I will always look into the sea of faces of the crowds before me, because I know your smiling face will stand out over all of the people showing me that you are forever proud.
P.S. I forgot to mention this, but I wish to name my firstborn daughter "Annabelle".
With the Greatest of Love,
Austin
